The NFL’s War on Fanny Packs is Such a Good Thing

Indianapolis Colts season ticket holders are being given a gift before the start of the upcoming season: a bag that complies with the NFL’s new rules for what can be brought into stadiums. In a letter to those incredibly lucky individuals, the team explains how the new rules, implemented just weeks after the Boston Marathon bombing, are designed to “provide a safer environment for the public and expedite fan entry into Lucas Oil Stadium.”

The letter laid out the criteria for what makes a bag compliant:

  • Bags that are clear plastic, vinyl or PVC and do not exceed 12” x 6” x 12.”
  • One-gallon clear plastic freezer bag (Ziploc bag or similar)
  • Small clutch bags or purses, approximately the size of a hand, with or without a handle or strap, may be carried into the stadium along with one of the clear bag options.
  • An exception will be made for medically necessary items after proper inspection at the Northwest and Southeast corners of the stadium.

Prohibited items will include backpacks, purses (larger than a clutch), briefcases, coolers, luggage (because I have every intention of moving into or vacationing at Lincoln Financial Field), seat cushions (which means I’m about to start bitching until comfy seats are installed in every single stadium), and fanny packs.

It’s that last item that has some stadium-goers flummoxed, unsure where they’ll store all of their coins, tubes of Chap-stick, and disposable cameras.

If you ask me, though, this might be the best thing to come out of this new safety measure. The fanny pack had it’s fifteen minutes. People who continue to wear them in this day and age, whether they realize it or not, get criticized to no end, and rightfully so. I mean think about how ridiculous you look, you fanny-pack wearer. Strapping that extra weight around your midsection just so you don’t have to put your wallet in your back pocket or so you can take that spare change in the car with you.

Maybe being told by a highly-regarded entity like the NFL that these frustratingly stupid accessories are not fit to be worn in their stadium will be the beginning of the long-awaited end. Maybe.

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