Monthly Archives: May 2013

Chad Durbin FINALLY Cut By the Phillies

Christ, it only took two months, but the Philadelphia Phillies brass finally realized that they were holding onto to one of the biggest wastes of space in any bullpen throughout baseball. It took a 4-hit, 3-run inning in a blowout against the Boston Red Sox for Ruben Amaro Jr. to realize that the time had come to cut the clubs losses (and believe me, he’s responsible for quite a few of them) with Chad Durbin. And so it was done with one short, simple tweet—so unlike any of his appearances this year.

Durbin’s final line with the Phils for 2013: 16 IP, 25 hits, 17 runs, 16 ER, 9 BB, 16 strikeouts, 4 HR allowed, and an ERA of 9.00. He somehow managed to poach a win from one of the starters in there and wasn’t held responsible for any losses. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself (courtesy of baseball-reference.com):

chad durbin sucks

He flunked—and the Phils management flunked by signing him in the first place—in a major way.

This piece of trash shouldn’t have made it out of the first two weeks of the season with the team, let alone the first two months, and here’s why. I’d like to zoom in on two particular stat lines all the way to the right in this next graph:

durbin IR IS

Before that, though, can we just marvel at the fact that after his first appearance of the season, in which he gave up 2 hits and 2 runs while getting no one out, which lef to an ERA of infinity. And he managed to do all of that in the span of eight pitches… Godawful.

Back to the point I’m trying to make though.

IR and IS. Inherited Runners and Inherited Scores. After that disgusting (not the good disgusting, but the very, very, very awful disgusting, like the smell of those sweaty workout clothes you forgot to take out of your gym bag that have been sitting under a pile of shit for two months at the back of your closet that, when you finally do excavate them from the deep abyss and open that bag, the smell just jumps out at you, and when you touch the crusty things they basically disintegrate in your hands… that kind of disgusting) start in which he inherited no runners, it only got worse. He managed to allow 9 of the first 11 runners he inherited—guys that were already on base when he came into the game to pitch—to cross home, and that’s including 8 straight to start the season.

I’m sorry, I know the extent of my in-game knowledge with baseball goes as far as my last year in little league in 5th grade, but I’m pretty sure when you’re a relief pitcher, it’s basically in your job description that when you come into a game and there are men on base, you’re supposed to help your starter, or whoever the hell you’re in there relieving, by stranding those runners on base. (It could be argued that the bullpen as a whole needs to understand this better, but Durbin especially.) Every time that giant chode strutted his way to the mound this season you just knew in your gut that something terrible was going to happen. Babies were bound to die. I’d have been more comfortable with Charlie on the mound throwing 45 mph four-seamers than Durbin.

This is the first of many things this team needed to do to start righting the ship if they hope to make a desperation run at another crown before the creaky wheels fall of this aging carriage. There’s still plenty of work to be done though.

A College Softball Player Just Threw 159 Pitches In a 4-Hit Win

Roy Halladay? Cliff Lee? Jared Weaver? Clayton Kershaw? Stephen Strasburg?

Y’all are a bunch of pansies compared to Ellen Renfroe.

The Tennessee Lady Vols Junior pitcher threw 159 pitches (100 strikes) today to complete a 4-hit, 2-run, 9-strikeout performance in the opening round of the Women’s College World Series against the Florida (Lady?) Gators—the SEC regular- and post-season champs. Here’s the stat line to prove it.

ellen renfroe stats

The Vols’ won the game 9-2.

Sure it’s comparing apples and oranges, but if any of those names came within 30 pitches of that total they’d skipping starts and looking for some additional time off (with the exception of Doc… maybe).

Renfroe—who plays alongside her two sisters Anna (fresh.) and Ivy (sr.)—has no shortage of accolades in her three-year career in Knoxville. Aside from her 70 wins, she’s thrown two no-hitters, has 51 complete games, a career 1.49 ERA, and has been named an All-American twice (soon to be three times).

Not that I’m a huge college (or any kind of) softball fanatic, but there’s something to be said about a woman who goes and puts up those kinds of numbers and then turns around two or three days later (sometimes even the next day) and does it again. Simply incredible.

So This Happened Today…

John Tortorella was canned by the New York Rangers today. Torts led the team to three straight playoff appearances—reaching the Eastern Conference Finals in 2012—but they were bounced with ease by the Bruins in five games in the Conference Semis.

Arguably the league’s most animated coach, Tortorella posted a .543 win percentage over the four-plus seasons that he was with the club, but failed to get his teams’ regular-season success to carry over in the playoffs—his Rangers teams were just 19-25 in the NHL’s second season.

Blueshirts United had the following to say on its website:

The Rangers announced on Wednesday afternoon that John Tortorella has been relieved of his duties as the team’s head coach, four days after the Blueshirts were eliminated in five games by the Boston Bruins in the 2013 Eastern Conference Semifinals.

Named the 34th head coach in franchise history on February 23, 2009 when he replaced Tom Renney, Tortorella coached 319 regular season games with the Blueshirts, posting an all-time record of 171-118-1-29. That mark also included an 0-3-1 stint as Rangers head coach when he closed out the 1999-2000 season behind the bench following the dismissal of John Muckler.

Tortorella, the fourth winningest coach in franchise history, was a finalist for the Jack Adams Award after leading the Rangers to a 51 win, 109-point regular season in 2011-12.

This past season the Rangers were 26-18-4 in the lockout-abbreviated year, finishing in sixth place in the Eastern Conference. It was the fourth time in five years under Tortorella that the Rangers earned a berth in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Tortorella, who guided the Tampa Bay Lightning to the 2004 Stanley Cup, coached 44 playoff games with the Rangers, with his team posting a 19-25 record in the post-season. Last season the Rangers reached the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1997.

Including his tenure in Tampa Bay, Tortorella has earned 410 victories as a head coach in the National Hockey League, more than any other U.S. born head coach in league history. He currently stands at 410-340-37-67 in 854 career games.

I’m sure he’ll find himself behind a bench somewhere next season, because how could we possibly go an entire year without a post-game interview like this?

Members of Congress Urge Redskins to Change Their Name

Guess what’s gaining some momentum?

A debate that’s years in the making has made its first major splash in the political realm today. In a letter to team owner Daniel Snyder, 10 members of Congress asked the team to change it’s name because “the R-word” is offensive to Native Americans. The request came several weeks after Snyder told USA Today that he would never change the team’s name.

More from the AP:

The representatives said Tuesday that they’ve sent letters to Redskins owner Dan Snyder, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Redskins sponsor FedEx, and the other 31 NFL franchises.

The letter to Snyder says that “Native Americans throughout the country consider the ‘R-word’ a racial, derogatory slur akin to the ‘N-word’ among African Americans or the ‘W-word’ among Latinos.”

Among the group sending the letters are the leaders of the Congressional Native American Caucus, Tom Cole, R-Okla., and Betty McCollum, D-Minn.

The nickname is the subject of a long-running legal challenge from a group seeking to have the team lose its trademark protection.

I don’t expect much to get done on this though, much like everything else Congress decides to take up.

Justin Bieber is About to Get His Ass Deported Back to Canada by Keyshawn Johnson

Holy hell have things escalated quickly here. According to TMZ, Justin Bieber was seen driving his Ferrari around his exclusive gated-community this past weekend like a jackass, at breakneck speeds. He pissed some people off, had the cops called to his house, and (best of all) had former-NFLer and current ESPN anchor Keyshawn Johnson chasing him down in a Prius—seriously.

The deets:

We’re told Keyshawn was furious — feeling Justin could’ve killed someone — so he brought his kid home, then chased after the singer in his Prius (yes, a Prius chasing a Ferrari).

When KJ got to Bieber’s pad — he blocked Justin’s Ferrari in the driveway and got out of his car to confront Justin face-to-face … but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out.

There’s more … sources say SEVERAL people witnessed the speeding incident — and say Justin was definitely in the driver’s seat. We’re told the witnesses told Sheriff’s deputies …  Bieber appeared stoned at the time.

But seriously, a Prius…

Key wasn’t the only former footballer going after the Canuck, either.

Kid has a death wish.

This Might Be The Worst Call in MLB History

Who needs instant replay?

Apparently the umpiring crew that worked the Seattle Mariners-Texas Rangers series this weekend needed it, as evidenced by the following GIF (courtesy of CBS Sports).

rangers double play

The call came in the second inning as Jesus Sucre hit into what appeared to be an inning-ending double play, but on closer examination it appears as though Rangers starting pitcher, Justin Grimm—who was running to cover first—snagged the ball prior to Mitch Moreland, the man who was actually covering first. Grimm nonchalantly made his way back to the mound as if nothing abnormal occurred, and the umps let their call stand.

This should be Exhibit A, B, C, and D as to why baseball could benefit from instant replay just a little bit.

Toronto Sports Fans Are Officially On My Shit List

You’ve done it fans of Toronto sports. You’ve made the shit list. Quite an impressive feat, considering that before this day, the shit list consisted of Joe Carter (I’m sure you all know him pretty well), Mitch Williams, and that guy who dislocated Gordon Bombay’s kneecap in D2: The Mighty Ducks.

What could you have possibly done to join such disgusting company, you ask?

Well, in the last two weeks, you’ve made Philadelphia fans (myself included there) look like friggin’ angels with the stunts you’ve pulled off at your stadiums.

Let’s start with this complete jackass.

toronto stronger

This heartless, soulless subhuman showed up to Game 3 of his beloved Toronto Maple Leafs’ first-round matchup against the Boston Bruins at the Air Canada Centre with a sign emblazoned with a blue-and-white ribbon that read “Toronto Stronger.” The message was directly mocking the logo used by the City of Boston to signify their strength and unity following the Boston Marathon bombings. Not only did this son-of-a-bitch wave the sign throughout the entire game, but it even made an appearance on the jumbotron for all in attendance and those at home watching to see.

Now, fast forward to last night.

As the Blue Jays were hosting the Baltimore Orioles, O’s outfielder Nate McClouth ranged to his right and back towards the warning track to snag a fly ball near the left-field foul line, and as he was throwing the ball back towards the infield a beer bottle is seen narrowly—like by mere inches—missing the All-Star outfielder’s head. According to USA Today-affiliate For The Win, the bottle was hurled from the upper deck (view the GIF here).

Forget the fact that about half the bottle was wasted based on the amount of beer seen spewing out of it as it hits the turf and flips around. McClouth could’ve been seriously injured (killed?) if the bottle was standing just a few inches to the right.

The best reaction, though, has to be the guy in the red jersey to the left who immediately looks in the direction of the bottle-hurler and throws his arms up in disgust.

WTF Toronto?!? Get your shit together.